THE STRUGGLING SAGA OF MY CHILDHOOD -
I had struggled with the vile nature of my being at a tender age. I got convinced that i was a wretched sinner. I had strong foundations of Hindu faith which trickled down from my mother. My faith taught me that- "Without Shiva - Parameswar's command, even a single ant can't bite us". I started blaspheming since i had believed that he, Shiva, allowed me to commit great sins in my life. I used to seek the Savior-God in the sacred scriptures like the Bhagavadgita, the epics- Ramayana and the Mahabharath. I used to mourn with the burden of guilt and for the deliverance from the guilt of sins.
THE DARLING OF HEAVENS ATTRACTED ME-
I have studied in Roman Catholic missionary schools. Christ and Christians weren't new to us. We have been enveloped by Christians and churches. Being a Hindu, i used to accept Christ as one of gods and had no complaints against His character. Yet, i had problems with Christians regarding conversions. I used to be hostile to the 'Only Way' claims of the Protestants. Nevertheless, I had special attraction towards “JESUS -Dying on the Cross”. I used to wonder often by standing lonely in the Catholic Church about this Crucified Jesus. For me, He was unique, exceptional both controversial (claims wise) and uncontroversial (character wise).I could sense a big difference between the compassionate looks of dying Jesus and the appearances of others.
PRIMORDIAL LOYALTIES AND PRE-CONCEIVED NOTIONS BLINDED ME TO THE TRUTH-
My religious culture has been so 'inclusive' in accommodating gods. As an high-school student, i had affiliation with the organizations like V.H.P. These acquaintances inculcated me a sense of patriotism, loyalty to religion. I used to lead worship in the temples. I took bath in the rivers. I used to belittle evangelical Christians who preach gospel in our vicinity. We used to humiliate their 'Hallelujah' praises with sarcastic chorus. I used to seek answers for the what, from where and why questions of life -from the elders and the religious scriptures, but in vain. I learnt that even gods can't escape from the effects of Karma. Logically thinking, Christ was the better way. Though i had grievances, the primordial loyalties to my religion and fanatic passions pervaded me to be faithful to our ancestor's gods.
DEVOTIONS TO THE MODERN AGE HINDU GODS-
I had no qualms with the modern day avatars like Shiridi Sai. I was an ardent reader of his biography. Apart from him, i tried to quench the thirst for the Truth from the teachings of Rama Krishna and Vivekananda. I was an enthusiastic reader of their philosophies. They say - man is the strongest and power lies within man only etc. In reality, i found a void in my soul. Sense of Powerlessness and guilt of sin gripped me. I found that their teachings were impractical in my daily life. No external power from above to help me to get rid of my carnal sinful nature. I grew up and completed my 10+2 levels.
Youthful Yearnings and Rebellious in Sin -
A new voyage had begun in my life towards Vizag sea-shores since i got a free Engineering seat in a reputed college. I got full freedom in all areas of my life. My real inner man was endowed with new vibrant wings. The void of my soul and unanswered questions found solace in alcohol and other pleasures. I was entangled by the snares of sin and youthful yearnings. At this gloomy period, the sudden suicidal death of my close relative-cum-friend quadrupled my questions and enlarged my emptiness.
I FOUNDED THE PORTRAIT OF JESUS IN ARCHIES GALLERY
One fine day, i visited Archies gallery which has been adjacent to Union Chapel Church. There, i was attracted to one beautiful painting of Jesus Christ with His Nail pierced Bleeding Hands. I purchased and nailed it on the wall of my solitary room and started praying to Jesus in the midst of other gods portraits. I was powerless to get rid of alchoholic addiction. I was praying more and more to Jesus.
JESUS CALLS MINISTRY TO VIZAG -
Since my schooling days, i used to watch the preachings of the Dhinakarans via their Prarthana Samayam in Gemini T.V. The compassionate teachings of this other religion's man used to pierce my poor soul. Good News of Jesus via them had powerful impact on me. Yet, i was hostile to their concept of “ONLY WAY of JESUS”. I presumed that the profound truth of Christ had been the Western designs (Never said by Jesus but manipulated by Christians). I used to reflect- How come this foreign God be the TRUE GOD ? There are many seekers of Truth like Rama Krishna, Vivekananda, Mahatma etc. They were the prominent followers of our religion. If this Jesus were THE ONLY TRUTH, how would they forsake Him?. I had no queries against the integrity of these followers of our religion. I prayed many times to THE PARAMATHMA to reveal the truth for me.
AU ENGINEERING COLLEGE GROUNDS-[1998- AUG13th-16th]
I was fully immersed in the filthy streams and crying desperately for the Savior. I came across the posters of the Jesus Calls Ministry's prayer festivals in the AU grounds. Since i was fully in the grip of alcohol,i couldn't attend their first three days of prayers.The D-Day of August dawned on me. That was Sunday[Aug- 16].This was the last evening of the prayer festivals.I had no Christian friends to accompany me there. Being a Hindu,how could i go there? In the afternoon ,i knelt down at the portrait of Jesus and cried in my spirit and pleaded HIM to lead me to the prayer festival. Around 5 PM, i sat at a junction and was chatting with my friend. Suddenly, my attention shifted to a small group of our batch mates who were walking with bibles in their hands. I suspected their journey towards prayer festivals.I requested them to include me in that group. They kindly led me there.
I heard a powerful message of Salvation and was awaiting the Prayer time.
Gentle Holy Spirit hovering over a Hindu like me....
the servant of God led us into repentance prayer. Since I was conscious of my sinful nature, I repented and invited Jesus into my heart[not as the only Savior]. Dr. Paul was praying for the deliverance from the addictions. He was praying for the anointing of the HOLY SPIRIT. It was very new for me. I knelt down and united with the prayers of the speaker and urged the LORD for the HOLY SPIRIT. Suddenly, i was empowered and a super natural weight descended on me. I knew i was not the same person. Here too,Jesus was like an additional god. As an empowered soul, i went to the Jesus calls Book stall. I was attracted to one particular book penned by Dr.D.G.S. The title of the book is -7 LAST SAYINGS OF LORD JESUS. The very next day,a sudden urge came to take alcohol.I knelt down and cried.In that moment i sensed the deliverance from the strong desire for alcohol. I felt it was a complete deliverance.I never touched alcohol again despite the forces of my friends.
FROM 'ONE OF THE WAYS' TO 'THE ONLY WAY'-
My old faith couldn't help me out in getting rid of addictions. Should i follow this new religion by shifting loyalty to this new god? i contemplated. I wanted to know what really distinguishes Jesus from other gods. I reflected a lot over this example of JESUS-The other gods and ways hadn't suffered like HIM-Why? What Jesus only can do and others can't? Though i know i was a new man, i didn't accept Jesus as the only God I posed many questions. A sudden appetite to know Him more and more grew in my soul. I started reading His scriptures. Each night, since AUG-16th,I used to kneel down and pray in the Holy Ghost. I was studying and deeply pondering over THE SEVEN SAYINGS OF LORD JESUS ON THE CROSS. What a miserable death He had on the cross-Why no one else in the history of humanity? When even the ones created by His Hands were killing HIM - Jesus in His mercy urged the Father "Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing (Luke 23:34)"...I struck there. It sounded me something great. I found myself in the 4 worded letter "them". Jesus in his last words forgiving His persecutors and the humanity. Some illuminations penetrated my inner eyes. I was sure that none can emulate Christ's example on the cross in forgiving enemies and persecutors. For me, This is the true divinity ever lived in this example. I discovered the difference. His last words penetrated my soul.
I got convinced that its indispensable to believe Jesus and His intriguing claims for Mukti.
It has been ten plus years in the Lord and I am happily serving Him.
